X-Mem by Peter V Nguyen
So I have an interview this morning!
Oh Matthew, totes adorbs!
I was grocery shopping today when I ran across an astonishly adorable ginger cub at the Deli. When he bumped into me (not literally, but he almost did), he seemed to have a look of interest on his face as I watched him wheel his cart away toward the produce aisle. Later, as I was heading to get some cereal, I spotted him in the spice aisle looking perplexed. This was my chance.
I sidled up to him and asked if he was looking for anything in particular. “I’m having a hard time finding those little salt and pepper shakers you use at picnics.” “Oh yeah, those should be in the aisle with the paper plates”, I remarked. “Follow me”.
So we locate the spot where I thought they were, but they were noticeably not there. “Could have sworn they were there”, I told him. Then I asked if he was going to a picnic, and he said that he was, and that he was visiting from New York for a cartoonist convention. I told him I was a hardcore fan of cartoons, pointing to my Pinky & The Brain/Mythbuster mashup shirt (as seen above), and he corrected himself to explain that it was print cartoons he worked on. “Oh, I love those too. I have a huge collection of comic books…oh, and I just remembered where those salt and pepper shakers you’re looking for are!”
So we hike back to the spice aisle, and go to the very bottom of the salt section. VIOLA! There they were! “You should work here! Thanks for helping me locate them!”, he replied. “Well, I did work here over 10 years ago, but I quit after 8 months because I hated it”. As i’m talking to him, discussing about what we do and what hobbies we have, he pulls out his iPhone and starts fiddling with his phone pad, looking at it intensely and then glances at me as if he was waiting for me to say something, while an awkward pause hung between us.
I decide take the initiative, and ask for his number. He looks at me in stunned silence for a moment, then sheepishly explains that he doesn’t go for dudes. Just then I finally notice the gold ring on his wedding finger, and I apologize for making him uncomfortable, but he graciously tells me that he was flattered, flashes me a kind smile, and rolls away.
So, I’m kind of bummed that my gaydar still works as well as an unplugged toaster, but I’m elated that the guy didn’t act like an ass about it, and let me down easy. I’m also proud that I was able to ask a guy out in public without getting knots in my stomach or not asking him out of fear of rejection. Hopefully one day i’ll spot a guy I like, ask him out, and he’ll say “yes”.